Letters To An Editor

SOTU

2007-01-24T03:09:00.000-08:00

Editors,
I watched the Presidents State of the Union Address last night. And I watched the Democrat response. And I watched the CNN coverage. And I watched SpongeBob. And I watched The Secret Life of Zach and Cody. And I watched Popeye. And I watched Emeril. And I watched some science thing about Venus. And I watched Trading Places. Then I went to bed after I brushed my teeth.
Cindy Lou
Austin, TX

Sex Column

2007-01-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

Sirs,
Your addition of a "sex column" ala "sex in the city" is truly bad. The writing is uninspired, the situations your writer finds herself in are contrived and, worse, the advice is shoddy.

I can have plenty of bad sex on my own. Why, just the other night I came early and left my partner completely unsatisfied when I just rolled over to cry myself to sleep. See? I don't need an advice columnist spelling THAT out for me.

What I do need is some Levitra or at least some Ambian but now that my company runs a spam filter I won't be able to get any of that any time soon.

George Kelly
Little Rock

We Deserve This

2007-01-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

Editor

After spending an evening watching America's Funniest Home Videos I've come to realize that maybe the terrorists deserve to win.

Bill Rogers
Fort Wayne, IN

Neighborhood

2007-01-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

Sirs:

This county has begun a Gestapo like assault on dissent. My politically active neighbors have been ripped from their homes in the middle of the night by jackbooted thugs, never to be seen again. My young nephew was seen reading "subversive" material in our library and he has disappeared, with no help from authorities in finding him, according to my sister and brother-in-law. And one of my co-workers, Sara Smith, was summarily fired and then dragged away when some of her anti-Government poetry was discovered. Reports are that she has been held and tortured repeatedly.

I have no problem with any of this. I can't stand my neighbors, my nephew was a little creep and while I liked Sara, quite frankly, her poetry stunk. Was it bad enough to warrant torturing to death? Yeah..it was that bad.

So while I have a lot of good to say about our County Executive and the legislators of both parties, it disturbs me to say that we still need a proper streetlight on the Corner of Maple and 4th Ave. It takes forever to get through the intersection from the North end, as some people do NOT know how a stop sign works in this state. Could someone please look at this problem soon?

Sincerely,
Viola Weddington

Secret Lives of Gingerbreadmen

2007-01-05T07:54:00.000-08:00

Say what you will about The Nazi Gingerbreadmen, at least everyone has gumdrops to eat and the Lionel Trains run on time.

Fred Swanson
Moose Lake, ME

Brokeback Mountain Beware

2006-01-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

Editor,
I took my children to see the Oscar nominated Brokeback Mountain. I don't know why but somehow I had the impression that it was a comedy in the lines of the classic Blazing Saddles. I can tell you definitavely it is not. All my wife kept saying was "Butt fucking, you took the kids to see butt fucking".

Sam West
Denver, CO

Elections

2005-11-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank that cock sucker Fred Myers for not voting for me. I didn't want his lousy ass vote anyway. And I didn't want any of you people to vote for me either so I'm glad you didn't. In fact, I was so fed up by all you no good two timing bastards that I didn't even vote for myself - which probably cost me the election since I was running unopposed.

I didn't want to be dog catcher in this town anyhow.

Richard Nixon III
Shrevesport

To Jews Everywhere

2005-10-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

Editor

Happy New Year.

Lenny Horowitz
Hymietown, NY

Why?

2005-09-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Editor

Why do you Americans love a sooo much? Why? Why can't a you be a happy with some of the simple things? Like a love.

Vergio
Verona

Errant Listing

2005-09-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

Editor

I would like to point out that your recent Television Listing for the upcoming Gilmore Girls episode hardly captured the screenwriters intent... you wrote "The construction crew working on Lorelai's house drives Luke crazy;" Crazy? More like stark raving mad like I've never seen Luke get so mad! Common people, get with it! Luke is PO'd To the Nth!

I love the Gilmore Girls.

Sincerely,
John Watkins
Southport

Belgians Eat Horses

2005-09-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

Editor,

Your recent article on the Belgian horse slaughterhouses in Texas found me flabbergasted. Do we intend to sit idly by while these Belgians, these Beneluxarians, these southern Norsemen gnaw away at the bones of former Kentucky Derby winners too numerous to name. I for one am not one for sitting idle, in fact, I'm dead set against it.

My wife and I have started a grassroots organization dedicated to ending this travesty. We are currently collecting horses slated for slaughter at our Kentucky Ranch, where the animals will be housed, groomed and put under vetrinarian care. Then, when they are ready, we'll take them to our ranch in Wyoming where we intend to grind them into chicken feed.

Marty Leftish
Friends Of The Horse
Kentucky

Drive By Shooting Explained

2005-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

Editor

I would like to point out that your article on last Monday's drive by shooting was completely inaccurate. The shooting was a direct response to Mr. Jamal dissing my hoe.

Despite the Main Stream Medias attempt to portray the shooting as "racially motivated" or an "upswing in Gang related violence" or as an indictment of the Administrations lack of effort in addressing the needs of the inner cities, the late Mr. Jamal and myself know that it was simply a case of justified vengence. When the Media trys to portray a simple assasination of a rival as "societies problem" or a "breakdown in civil order" you do more harm than good - especially in regards to your own credibility.

In the future I would ask that you act in a more responsible reporting manner.

Yours truly,

Dre Stone
The Crips

PS 191

2005-09-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

Editor

At last nights Consolidated District school board meeting the Board decided it was in our communities best interest to close down PS 191. While this may come as a shock to many in the school, especially since PS 191 is "technically" not in our district, we think that closing the school will result in a steep improvement on the gridiron this fall. Everyone remembers last season, enough said.

The Board also considered closing down the Eastern District's PS 178, but most of the good seniors have left and that Peters kid is on drug suspension.

Sincerely,

Fred Rogers
Board of Education

God(s)

2005-09-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Editor

What do you people think you are... God or something?

Which is fine with me 'cause I need someone to pray to.

Ed Miller
Biloxi

Editor: Which technically not God per se, we do see ourselves more in the Roman sense of god(s)

Letter to the Editor (Cranky Conservative)

2005-09-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Sirs:

Much has been made of a sad and sorry lot of malingerers who will not leave their flooded homes in New Orleans.

It pains me to say this, but it appears that these fellows should be shot. Doing so saddens me very much but I think it is for their own good.

Sincerely,

Dakes McElroy

Winchester, Conn.

Letters To An Editor

2005-09-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

Editor

Despite your allegations to the contrary in the article from last
Sunday's business section, I would like to state that Michael
Sullivan has never represented our firm in the criminal or civil
proceedings involved in Prandle v. Jenkins. He is, however, my lover.

Jennifer, I'm sorry that you and the kids had to find out this way.

Howard Jenkins
CEO
JenCorp

Letter To An Editor

2005-09-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

Editor

Motherfuckingsonsabitchingcocksucking
bitchslappingballwackingasslickingc
untgrabbingdaughterofawhore.

Fred Chambers, CEO
National Turret Hotline

P.S Thank you for your support!

Letters To An Editor

2005-09-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Editor,

Having watched the inncessant television coverage of this "flood" in New Orleans I have one question.

What are they going to do with all those negroes?

Are they bringing them up North? Are they putting them in jail? Does someone expect to start a very very large Dixieland Jazz Band and have them high stepping their way through the streets of America? What if they start taking our sweet potato pies and standing behind us in the ATM line? What if they start marrying all the white women? Has anyone down there even thought this through? Why did we get involved in this hurricane quagmire to begin with? Frankly I find this whole thing menacing.

Harvey Weinstein
NY, NY