SOTU

Editors,
I watched the Presidents State of the Union Address last night. And I watched the Democrat response. And I watched the CNN coverage. And I watched SpongeBob. And I watched The Secret Life of Zach and Cody. And I watched Popeye. And I watched Emeril. And I watched some science thing about Venus. And I watched Trading Places. Then I went to bed after I brushed my teeth.
Cindy Lou
Austin, TX

Sex Column

Sirs,
Your addition of a "sex column" ala "sex in the city" is truly bad. The writing is uninspired, the situations your writer finds herself in are contrived and, worse, the advice is shoddy.

I can have plenty of bad sex on my own. Why, just the other night I came early and left my partner completely unsatisfied when I just rolled over to cry myself to sleep. See? I don't need an advice columnist spelling THAT out for me.

What I do need is some Levitra or at least some Ambian but now that my company runs a spam filter I won't be able to get any of that any time soon.

George Kelly
Little Rock

We Deserve This

Editor

After spending an evening watching America's Funniest Home Videos I've come to realize that maybe the terrorists deserve to win.

Bill Rogers
Fort Wayne, IN

Neighborhood

Sirs:

This county has begun a Gestapo like assault on dissent. My politically active neighbors have been ripped from their homes in the middle of the night by jackbooted thugs, never to be seen again. My young nephew was seen reading "subversive" material in our library and he has disappeared, with no help from authorities in finding him, according to my sister and brother-in-law. And one of my co-workers, Sara Smith, was summarily fired and then dragged away when some of her anti-Government poetry was discovered. Reports are that she has been held and tortured repeatedly.

I have no problem with any of this. I can't stand my neighbors, my nephew was a little creep and while I liked Sara, quite frankly, her poetry stunk. Was it bad enough to warrant torturing to death? Yeah..it was that bad.

So while I have a lot of good to say about our County Executive and the legislators of both parties, it disturbs me to say that we still need a proper streetlight on the Corner of Maple and 4th Ave. It takes forever to get through the intersection from the North end, as some people do NOT know how a stop sign works in this state. Could someone please look at this problem soon?

Sincerely,
Viola Weddington

Secret Lives of Gingerbreadmen

Say what you will about The Nazi Gingerbreadmen, at least everyone has gumdrops to eat and the Lionel Trains run on time.

Fred Swanson
Moose Lake, ME

Brokeback Mountain Beware

Editor,
I took my children to see the Oscar nominated Brokeback Mountain. I don't know why but somehow I had the impression that it was a comedy in the lines of the classic Blazing Saddles. I can tell you definitavely it is not. All my wife kept saying was "Butt fucking, you took the kids to see butt fucking".

Sam West
Denver, CO

Elections

I would like to thank that cock sucker Fred Myers for not voting for me. I didn't want his lousy ass vote anyway. And I didn't want any of you people to vote for me either so I'm glad you didn't. In fact, I was so fed up by all you no good two timing bastards that I didn't even vote for myself - which probably cost me the election since I was running unopposed.

I didn't want to be dog catcher in this town anyhow.

Richard Nixon III
Shrevesport

To Jews Everywhere

Editor

Happy New Year.

Lenny Horowitz
Hymietown, NY

Why?

Editor

Why do you Americans love a sooo much? Why? Why can't a you be a happy with some of the simple things? Like a love.

Vergio
Verona